How The Hell Do I Ride On Top? (And Why It Feels So Intimidating For So Many Women)

If you’ve ever thought, “How the hell do I ride on top?” you are not alone.

And I don’t mean “a little unsure.” I mean fully in your head about it.

Wondering:

• Am I doing this right?
• Do I look awkward?
• What am I supposed to do with my body?
• Why does everyone else make this look easy?

And maybe the biggest one of all…

Why does this feel so much harder than it should?

Let’s talk about it properly.

Because this isn’t really about a position.

It’s about confidence, visibility, and feeling comfortable being seen.

First things first... there is no “right way” to do it

One of the biggest pressure points women feel around being on top is the idea that there is a correct technique they’re supposed to know. There isn’t.

There’s no universal rhythm, no perfect movement, no secret formula everyone else magically understands.

What actually exists is:

• what feels comfortable for your body
• what feels good in the moment
• what feels emotionally safe for you

That’s it.

Everything else is noise.

Why being on top feels so intimidating

For many women, this position feels more exposed.

Not just physically, but emotionally.

Because suddenly:

• you’re more visible
• you’re more aware of your body
• you feel like you’re being “watched”
• you’re thinking about how you look from every angle

And when that happens, your mind often jumps in and takes over.

Instead of being present, you start performing.

Instead of feeling, you start analysing.

And that’s when everything starts to feel awkward.

The real reason it feels “hard”

It’s not that you don’t know what to do.

It’s that you’re trying to think your way through something that requires presence, not performance.

Being on top isn’t a skill you “master”.

It’s a moment you learn to feel comfortable in.

And comfort comes before confidence, not after it.

What actually helps (without overcomplicating it)

Let’s take this out of your head and into something practical.

1. Slow everything down

You don’t need to move fast or try to “do it right”.

Slowness creates comfort.

Comfort creates confidence.

2. Find a position that feels stable for you

Support your body in a way that makes you feel grounded.

When your body feels steady, your mind relaxes.

3. Stop trying to perform

This is the big one.

You are not being evaluated.

You are not being watched for mistakes.

You are experiencing something with another person.

Get out of your head with the "coconut method"

4. Focus on sensation, not appearance

Instead of thinking:

         “How do I look right now?”

Shift to:

           “How does this feel in my body?”

That one shift changes everything.

5. Let it be a bit awkward at first

Most people don’t talk about this part.

But awkwardness is normal when you’re learning something new about your body.

It doesn’t mean you’re bad at it.

It means you’re human.

The truth nobody says out loud

Most of the fear around being on top isn’t about the physical movement.

It’s about being seen.

Really seen.

Without hiding.

Without controlling how you look.

Without performing a version of yourself.

And that can feel vulnerable at first.

But it’s also where confidence starts to grow.

A reminder to take with you

You don’t need to know exactly what you’re doing.

You don’t need to look a certain way.

You don’t need to be confident before you start.

Confidence doesn’t come first.

Comfort does.

And comfort comes from giving yourself permission to be imperfect, present, and real in the moment.

Lastly...

If you’ve been avoiding being on top because it feels awkward, confusing, or intimidating, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.

It just means no one has ever explained it in a way that made you feel safe, normal, and human about it.

And now you know:

You’re not behind.

You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re just learning how to feel at home in your body in a new way.

And that changes everything.